There was a young fellow named Bream 
               Who never had dreamt a wet dream, 
                    For when lacking a whore 
                    He'd just bore out the core 
               Of an apple an fuck it through cream. 

Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.

               There was a young golfer named Lear 
               Who went to jail for a year 
                    For an act quite obscene: 
                    On the very first green 
               Under a sign saying "Enter course here." 

A gay prison chaplain named Locke
Had a passion for hard convict cock.
For his ass-holey ways
In his alcatraz days,
He was nicknamed the piece of the rock. 

There was a young fellow named Charteris 
               Put his hand where his young lady's garter is. 
                    She said, "I don't mind, 
                    And up higher you'll find 
               The place where my fucker and farter is."