Why is a joke like pussy?

Neither's any good if you don't get it.

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says,
…"Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He was stuck to the chicken.

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are
playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. 

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he
says, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man. 
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your
 wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW!  He hits the ball
250 yds. straight up the fairway.  The man goes back to his wife
with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. 

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her
swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and
THUMP.  The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . about 15 ft. 

"That was great," the pro says with a straight face. 
"Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're 
supposed to!"

How do men exercise at the beach? 
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.