A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa.  When he came back, his 
colleagues asked him how it had been.  "Oh, it was very disappointing,"
he said.  "I didn't kill a thing.  I'd have been better off staying here 
in the hospital."

Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?
A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed.
….Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the 
fridge.

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual
   event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and
   read his essay.
   
   It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
   
   "My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
   
   "He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
   

An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about
20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart"?. No reply. 
Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply. 
5' and not a word. 
A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey"? 
His wife said "For the fourth time, yes."

What is a Blondes favorite nursery rhyme? 

Hump me dump me