Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue?

A: Because the rice falls through the grill

Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's
dreams every night??

A: Hansons.

    Last Lunch

   Three steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20
   story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his
   lunch box, he exclaims, "Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch
   one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself."
   The second worker is Hispanic. When he looks in his lunch box, he
   exclaims, " Oh, no, if I have to eat tacos for lunch one more time, I
   going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself." The third worker is
   polish. When he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, "Oh, no, if I
   have to eat polish sausage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump
   off the 20th floor and kill myself."
   The next day the Italian looks in his lunch box, sees a bowl of
   spaghetti. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death. Then the
   Hispanic worker looks in his lunch box, sees 2 tacos. He walks to the
   edge and jumps to his death. Finally the polish worker looks in his
   lunch box, sees a polish sausage sandwich. He walks to the edge and
   jumps to his death.
   At the funeral for the three workers the Italian workers wife is
   sobbing out of control and cries," Oh, its all my fault. If only I had
   packed him a different lunch!" The Hispanics wife is also sobbing out
   of control and cries," Oh, its all my fault. If only I had packed my
   husband a different lunch!" The polish workers wife isn't crying at
   all so the other two wives confront her.
   "Don't look at me," she exclaims, "He packs his own lunch!"

Father Goose Story No. 7



Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called
Trids.  The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived
on the mountain.  The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him.  They thought
one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary.  So a group
of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could
even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being
dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent
another delagation, this time led by the local priest.  But alas, as they
approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.

The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish.
Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another
land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre.  The
Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain.  The ogre
saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the
mountain.  The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered
why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre.
The ogre laughed and replied:

      "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS:

-  Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

-  Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding?  
   Not if you are the groom.

-  When dancing, never remove undergarments; 
   no matter how hot it is.

-  Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds 
   may get you cut.

-  A bridal veil made of window screen is not only 
   cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.

-  For the groom, at least rent a tux.  A leisure suit 
   with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can 
   create a nice appearance.  Though uncomfortable, 
   say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.