Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair.  Just let the child s*%# all over everything.  This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
        It used to be thought that children should act like "little
adults".  Like many things that used to be thought, this is true.  In
fact, now more than ever.  Today's real adults are self-involved,
impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out
playing.  They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate
every kind of activity that requires self-restraint.  Adults are the
children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because
there's only so much room in the world for kids.
        
             --P.J. O'Rouke

A friend told me "I can understand why men don't like vasectomies.
My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with MasterCard. He
forgot to pay the bill, and the finance company came over to his
house and knocked up my aunt."

Looking for Love: "Heartthrob Fabio announced he is looking for his
dream woman," says Jay Leno. "He says he wants someone who's funny,
secure, independent and has a good personality. You know what's really
sad- the one woman in Hollywood who fits those criteria is Ellen DeGeneres."