I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to 
calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the 
doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what 
I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side 
of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually 
feel a lot better, and no harm done 


-- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe 

The wise never marry, and when they marry, they become otherwise.

"Computers let you make more mistakes faster
than anything except handguns and tequila..." 

     - Mitch Ratcliffe 

"From a real email message:

  ... hey chickadee Napoleon, thank you for the invasion of Russia, kabring,
  kabring. I saw you behind the bike shed with the Happy Sausage singing
  praises to the bogey man with the eye dropper nose. Don't try and catch me,
  I'm the Happy Prince...

  King James I

 (This person is no longer an NT admin)"
                        -- Peter Gutmann