Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

    -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal
    anti-smoking campaign

It's so hard to say au revoir,
So let's just say hors d'oeurve.

                        - Martin Mull

Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip.
There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by
the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" 

     - Rita Rudner

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe 
swelling. So what's the problem?

                 -Jay Leno

"An artist is a person who can hold two contradictory thoughts in his 
 mind at the same time"