Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and 
he drove to his house around 3 A.M. in the morning.  He opened the door to 
the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark ,and got in bed 
with his wife.  Then she said ,"Honey, can you go over to the Drug Store 
and pick me up some Asprin?"  The husband said yes, got dressed in the 
dark, and walked over to the Drug Store.
When he got to the Drug Store, he got the Asprin and went up to the desk 
so that the clerk could ring it up.  Then when he got up there, the clerk 
asked,"Say, Aren't you Mike This-and-That?"
Mike answered him and said, "Yes I am."
Then the clerk looked puzzled and asked, "Well, aren't you a police 
officer?"
And again Mike replied yes.
Then the clerk asked,"Then why are you dressed like the fire chief?"

Sent by Tyler

Two very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each
other.  Dave got a piece of 1/2" rope and tied their doors together with
about a 6" gap of slack.  Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on
both doors.

Interesting way to wake up...having two steaming mad football jerks
slamming each other's doors open and shut.  The Resident Advisor was NOT
pleased :-)

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-
influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out
of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five
different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front
seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and
began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The
results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded
to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm
the Designated Decoy." 

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving
that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when
he's been drinking."