"Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your 
recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county 
home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone 
thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me 
listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. 
It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told 
her to go fuck herself.

             Sincerely,
             Edna Johnston" 

What is the definition of Agony?


                                         A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says  "Do you 
know how to drive this thing?"

   Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they
   make
   love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped
   on her
   reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his
   hand.
   "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been
   using
   on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you
   sneaky
   bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of
   sneaky,"
   her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three
   kids."
   

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalogue.