Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. 
She immediately called Saint Peter and said, 

"This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!" 

She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he'd get right on
it. The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter so she called him 
again. "Please set this error straight before tomorrow," she begged. 

"There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone *must* attend!" 

"Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away." 

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning 
Saint Peter received another phone call from hell. He picked up 
the receiver with tribulations of his heart and started to listen.

He heard the following, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"

Two story house

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that?
What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' 
and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'

   There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of
   control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a
   while, one of the first two turned to the third and sez "Well...  what
   about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife ?"
   
   "Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her
   hands and knees." he bragged and took another sip of beer.
   
   His friends were amazed ! "What happened then ?" they asked, almost in
   unison.
   
   "Well, then she said, 'Get the hell out from under that bed and fight
   like a man !' " he admitted.

"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in
common," said the new tenant's neighbor.  "Why on earth
did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract',"
was the reply.  "He wasn't pregnant and I was."

A guy was pulled over by a cop. 
The cop says to the guy  you're eyes are bloodshot
have you been drinking.  The guy says tothe cop
you're eyes are glazed have you been eating donuts

Sent by paul