Cinderella was all set to go to the huge ball, but she was having a severe 
case of PMS. She was crabby and pissy and moody and generally not in the 
partying spirit. Well, her fairy-godmother again came to her rescue by 
providing Cinderella with a magic tampon. The fairy-godmother said, "Put 
this in and your PMS will be gone. Just remember, you have to be home by 
the stroke of midnight or the magic tampon will turn into a pumpkin and 
that is gonna be painful as hell to get out."
So, off Cinderella went to the ball in a great mood ready to dance the 
night away. Midnight comes and goes, however, and no Cinderella. Her 
fairy-godmother is worried to death. 1..2...3am and no sign of Cinderella. 
Finally she comes home at 4am. The fairy-godmother was distraught. "What 
on earth happened to you?" she said. "What about the magic tampon. I've 
been worried sick about you."
"Oh don't worry," Cinderella replied. "I met this really great guy named 
Peter-Peter."

Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible." 
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time
anything went wrong, they said I was responsible." 

Here's a pretty nasty one:

Why are they having such a hard time finding a cure for AIDS?

The scientists can't get the mice to butt fuck.

WASHINGTON, DC - Frustrated by failed attempts to turn 
public support away from the president, congress today 
announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated 
documents and videotapes on Monday.

Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this 
morning. "We feel that with the release of all the documents 
from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the 
president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal 
of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections. 

On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President 
Clinton's in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler, 
Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with 
them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, 'Meat 
is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!' We will also 
release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a 
litter of small kittens."

A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a 
slight rise in the president's approval rating.

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little 
boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.
"Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms
really *really* hard."  
So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like 
mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below.
Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and 
said, "What the hell happened?!?"
Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe
everything someone tells him."