Magician and Parrot
   A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
   would be
   different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same
   tricks over and over
   again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows
   each week and
   began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he
   understood he started
   shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat"
   "Look, he is hiding the
   flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades
   ?" The magician
   was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's
   parrot.
   One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself
   on a piece of wood
   in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at
   each other with hate,
   but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
   another.
   After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
   

    A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise
   for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the
   travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can
   get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says "OK," and goes to
   the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.
   Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day
   cruise. The guy says he'll take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and
   buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms.
   The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now
   book an eight-day cruise. Guy says, "OK," and goes back to the drug
   store and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
   Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes you sick, how come
   you keep doing it?"

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.
The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with 
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!"

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her 
that she was pregnant.  The young lady had been married for 
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly.  As she sat on 
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the 
good news with someone.  The gentleman sitting next to her 
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. 

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever 
imagine.  I have to share it with someone or I'll bust.  She told 
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence.  
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens 
laying eggs.  He stated that he went out to the hen house one 
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy. 
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me 
too."

Q: What do the Chinese call a 69?
šššA: Two can chew!!