The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He 
took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he 
proposed, "Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money 
to provide you with anything your little heart desires."

"Sorry John." she replied. "I'm not ready to settle down yet. 
And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I 
might see my way clear to rent you some."

Why can't Santa have children? 

     He only comes once a year. 

Why you should learn to use algebra . . . 



After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can be
reached of the secret to wealth and success.
Here it goes.

     Knowledge is Power
     Time is Money and as every engineer knows,
     Power is Work over Time.

So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:

     K = P (1)
     T = M (2)
     P = W/T (3)

Now, do a few simple substitutions:

     Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
     K = W/T (4)

Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

     K = W/M (5).

Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:

     Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:

     1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
     2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.

Solving for Money, we get:

     M = W/K (6)
     Money equals Work Over Knowledge.

From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless
of the Work done.

What THIS MEANS is:

     The More you Make, the Less you Know.

Solving for Work, we get

     W = M K (7)
     Work equals Money times Knowledge

From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.

What THIS MEANS is:

     The stupid rich do little or no work.

Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the
reader.

A man was complaining to a friend.
"I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a 
beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"My wife found out."

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army 
days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that 
when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, 
click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company 
presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first. 

"Oh," replied the other off hand, "just our medals."