A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The
doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was
an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit
suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a
minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin
it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a
minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to
ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a
minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So
then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is
going to be loud!"

Q: Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated?

A: He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work
with UNIX.

When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...


In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no 
passion.. 
So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. 


In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. 
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I 
needed a girl with some stability.. 
 
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited 
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.. 


I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed 
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
directionless. 
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.. 
 
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so 
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.. 


Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..

Q. Why was the female blonde confused whilst going to the 
ladies toilet??

A. She had to pull her own pants down

Sent by sam

Two gynecologists meet at lunch.
The first one says, "I had a patient this morning with
a clit like a dill pickle. 
The second one says,"That big or that green?"
The first one says,"That Sour."