As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, 
"And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a 
minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to
a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared
for. The next  morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a
tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window
overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after
a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and
straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she
starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and
once more bring her back upright.  This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting
to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it  here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart"

A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.
He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the
next Monday. "Downsizing."

He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it
doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to
figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill
standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be
one of them."

He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does.
Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's
in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to
think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and
Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.

"Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything
okay?"
He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I
can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."

And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest
you jack off.

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly 
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a 
minister when I grow up. 

"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you 
decide to be a minister?" 

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday 
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than 
to sit still and listen.

The tri stages of sex in marriage-

  1.Tri-weekly 
  2.Try-weekly 
  3.Try-weakly