A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.
Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa
application. The border official look s over his shoulder,
and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into
the small space labeled 'SEX'. 

The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we
mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'." 

"Doesn't matter," the tourist answers. 

   Last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was
   placed in the local paper.
   
   Only two applicants showed up: a male and a female.
   
   The owner said he could only afford one animal trainer, so he would
   choose the one with the best act.
   
   At first glance it appeared that the female was much better prepared,
   since she came to the interview in a very long flowing cape, with a
   whip & chair. She looked more like a model than a trainer.
   
   The man's only distinguishing feature was a soggy cigar stuffed
   between his cracked and leathery lips.
   
   The owner asked who would like to go first, and the man said, "Ladies
   before Gentleman."
   
   So the lady asked for her special music to be played, and once the
   music started she entered the cage with a flurry of whip snapping. She
   motioned the attendant to release the tiger.
   
   The tiger leaped into the cage snarling. The young lady threw aside
   her whip, tossed back her cape and sat on the chair as naked as the
   day she was born.
   
   The tiger then circled her, sniffing the air,... then suddenly leaped
   toward her, put its face between her legs and started licking. She
   threw back her head moaning, holding the tiger by the ears with her
   thighs. She rode on the tiger's face all around the cage.
   
   Then the owner looked at the man and said, "That's quite an act,...
   Think you can do better than that?"
   
   The man spit out his cigar, licked his lips and said, "No problem,
   just get that tiger out of the cage!
   

   Yeah, fat broads are like mopeds. They're fun to ride,
   but you don't want your friends to see you on one.
   

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband 
liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the 
husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that 
morning and took a nap.

While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was 
not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the 
boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside 
the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, 
"Reading my book."

The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area 
and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, 
"But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and 
write you up!"

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady 
told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't 
even touch you."

To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the 
equipment!"

Q. What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?

A. They both have balls just for decoration.