A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife."
"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.
"I got married again," the man sobbed.
"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations." 

How does a Russian commit suicide? 
     He smells his armpit 

How does an American commit suicide? 
     He tells this joke to a Russian.
 

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster,
which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?
When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months. 

Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: Jock itch.