One of my friends was dating a blonde girl that wasn't too bright to say
the least.  Often she would come up with the most stupid comments that
at first got us all laughing, but after a while also became a bit
annoying to some. One day we were sitting in a pool hall talking.  The
blonde participated in the discussion, and when she came up with an even
for unusually stupid comment one of my friends couldn't take it anymore.
So he said to her "You must have vacuum in your head". This upset her.
She looked at him for a couple of seconds and replied, "At least it's
better than nothing".

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we 
supposed to do, write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures on 
the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver 
the mail?

Think of this guy the next time you think you are having a bad day! 

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He 
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. 

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, 
who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest.  Needless to say, 
she won. 

Hi Sue, 

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.  Last week I had 
bad day at the office.  I know you've been feeling down lately at work, 
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's 
not so bad after all. 

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with 
a few technicalities of my job.  As you know, my office lies at the 
bottom of the sea.  I wear a suit to the office.  It's a wetsuit. 

This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm 
is this:  We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.  This 
$20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea.  It heats it to a 
delightful temperature.  It then pumps it down to the diver through a 
garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn 
good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, 
when I get to the bottom and start working is, I take the hose and stuff 
it down the back of my wetsuit.  This floods my whole suit with warm 
water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. 

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to 
itch.  So, of course, I scratched it.  This only made things worse. 
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from 
my 
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.  
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my 
suit. 

Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't 
stick to it.  However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I 
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the 
jellyfish into my ass. 

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.  
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 
other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted 
the dive. 

I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops 
totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber 
dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing 
but my brass helmet. 

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter 
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub 
it on my ass as soon as I get in the chamber. 

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for 2 days because my 
asshole was swollen shut. 

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much 
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass! 

Tight lines and calm seas, 
Richard