"Will administer ISO 9000 and year 2000 certification tests for food."
                        -- Simon Slavin

"Cognitive Dissonance Is Your Friend."
                        -- J. Michael Straczynski

"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live." 

Bob Hope.

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your
chances for a date on Saturday night."

Rodney Dangerfield

ON YOUTH
   "Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
   true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
       -- Steven King, 3/8/90