Oh, pity the Duchess of Kent! 
               Her cunt is so dreadfully bent, 
                    The poor wench doth stammer, 
                    "I need a sledgehammer 
               To pound a man into my vent." 

There once was a fellow named Clyde,
Who fell in an outhouse and died.
Along came his brother
Who fell in another,
And now they're interred side by side. 

A lawyer who was a newlywed groom
Took his bride to their honeymoon room
But they talked the whole night
As to who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom. 

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
     She will use her bare fist
     If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.

There was an old spinster of Tyre 
            Who bellowed, "My cunt is on fire!" 
                So a fireman was found, 
                Brought his engine around, 
            And extinguished her burning desire.