There was a young lady named Peaches 
               Who frequented the very best beaches. 
                    She refused the lifeguard, 
                    Though he breast-stroked her hard--- 
               She preferred to be sucked off by leeches. 

There was a young fellow from Lees 
            Who handled his tool with great ease. 
                This continual friction 
                Made his sex a mere fiction, 
            But the callus hangs down to his knees. 

            Have you heard of the Widow O'Riley 
            Who esteemed her late husband so highly 
                That in spite of the scandal, 
                Her umbrella handle 
            Was made of his membrum virile. 

               A patrician young fellow named Lear 
               Used to wash off his bollocks with beer. 
                    Said he, "By the gods, 
                    This is good for the cods--- 
               It will lengthen my fucking career. 

               My wife, when I traveled away, 
               Made sly extramarital hay, 
                    And partied for hours 
                    With chosen endowers, 
               And often came back the next day.