A cowhand way out in Seattle 
            Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle. 
                He said, "No, I can't fuck 
                A lamb or a duck, 
            But golly! it just fits the cattle." 

There was a young lady of Bicester
Who was a lot far nicer than her sister.
The sister would giggle
And wiggle and jiggle,
But this one would come when you kissed her. 

There was a young girl of Tonga
Used to diddle herself with a conga.
When asked how it feels
To be pleasured by eels,
She said, "just like a man, only longer." 

There was a young lady who said
As her bridegroom got into bed,
"I'm tired of this stunt
That they do with ones cunt.
Put it up my bottom instead." 

There was a young fellow named Rummy
Who delighted in whipping his dummy.
He played pocket pool
With his happy old tool
Till his shorts and his pants were all cummy