There was a young lady from Asia
Who shaved her legs with a razor
     One day she went high
     Right up past here thigh
And the gash it left would amaze ya!

A stingy old man of St. Giles 
               Saved his shillings with miserly wiles. 
                    Just to save a few bob 
                    He would wipe with a cob, 
               And that way he got piles and piles! 

                    A hermit who had an oasis
                            
                    Thought it the best of all places:
                            He could pray and be calm
                            'Neath a pleasant date-palm,
                            
                    While the lice on his ballocks ran races.
                            
                                              

Mary had a little lamb,
The news made every front page,
With pictures of her being taken to jail,
Cause you see, he was under age.

An old maiden who barely did kissing,
Soon discovered what she had been missing.
When laid down on the sod,
She cried out, "Oh, God!
All these years I just used it for pissing!"