There was an old fellow from Roop 
               Who'd lost all control of his poop. 
                    One evening at supper 
                    His wife said, "Now, Tupper, 
               Stop making that noise with your soup!" 

There is a young nurse in Japan
Who lifts men by their pricks to the pan.
A trick of Jujitsu
And either this shits you
Or makes you feel more like a man. 

Razors pains you,
Rivers are damp;
Acids stains you'
And drugs cause cramps.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses gives;
Gases smells awful,
You might as well live.

         ---Anon

                    A certain young man of St. Paul
                            
                    Consistently practiced withdrawal.
                            This quaint predilection
                            Created such friction,
                            
                    He soon had no foreskin at all.
                            

The bishop of Winchester Junction 
            Found his phallus would no longer function. 
                So in black crepe he wound it, 
                Tied a lily around it, 
            And solemnly gave it last unction.