What's the difference between a barmaid in
the evening and a barmaid at night?

A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom.
A barmaid at night is bare and ....


Sent by Jennifer

One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf.
But he couldn't, since it was Sunday. But he
figured, well, it's ok if i just play a little bit.
So he changed clothes and went out into the green.
Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to
Jesus. However, Jesus didn't do anything when he
told him. 
"Aren't you going to punish him?" he asked Jesus. 
"Yes, just wait." he replied.
Just then the pope hit a beautiful hole in one.
"Well, that's not a punishment!" the angel said in disgust.
"Who is he going to tell?"

Helpful advice for travellers:
If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you.
BECAUSE:  What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the 
SAME TIME with a bomb?

There was a young man from Kent
Whose tool was exceedingly bent
He put it in double
To save himself trouble
Instead of coming he wen

One day a man and his dog walk into a bar. The owner of the
dog says to the bartender "I bet 10 dollars my dog can talk".
The bartender, naturally, accepts.
All of the sudden the dog starts reciting the Gettysburg adress.
So the bartender layes down ten dollars and the dog grabbs it
and runs out the door. The owner runs after the dog. He finds him 
in a back ally (kissing) a french poodle. The owner says to his
dog "What are you doing? You've never done that before."
The dog responds: "I've never had ten dollars before."