Magnussen goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My wife isn't as much 
fun as she used to be."
The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy a roll in the hay?"
Magnussen says, "As much as the next fellow."
The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's 
exhausted." 

Language Trends of the Future



There are consistent trends in the past evolution of languages, and in
all likelihood they will continue to change in the same fashion in the
future.

In 200 years, spoken French will have only one sound, a vowel.  All
consonants and gaps between words and sentences will disappear, leaving
only an extended "Eauuuuuuuuuuuu..."  Meaning will be inferred from
facial expression.  Written French will stay exactly the same.

These consonants will not be entirely forgotten; they will migrate
to Czechoslovakia, which will by that time have no use for vowels.

In 200 years, the English vocabulary will be the union of all other
vocabularies, but the spelling will be original.

Similarly, the Japanese alphabet will be the union of all other
alphabets in the world.

The Cyrillic alphabet will eventually be the same as the Latin
alphabet, only backwards.  A mirror will suffice for translating
Russian into Polish.

Finally, in 200 years, entire books in Germany will be one word.  Plus
a verb at the end, of course.

[From Henry_Cate_III.OSBU_North@xerox.com]

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.

What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Lots of room!

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the
delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top
of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says
to the doctor, "Are you my dad?". 

The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby pops
right back inside. 

"Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push
through again. 

"Are you my dad?", asks the baby. 

"No, I am your doctor.", he replies. 

Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. 

The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's father
in here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!". Moments
later the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's head
once again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. 

The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" 

The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead
with his index finger--"How do you like that?" 

Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all 
afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played 
baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. 
They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they 
don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and 
Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well 
with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and 
Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay 
the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so 
far, we've been lucky..."