A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices
that the oil-pressure light is on.  He gets out to look and sees oil 
dripping out of the motor.  He drives to the nearest town and stops
at the first gas station. 

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around 
town.  He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, 
decides that something cold would really hit the spot.  He gets a
big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.  Having no hands,
he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.  

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks 
the mechanic if he's found the problem.  The mechanic looks up and 
says, "It looks like you blew a seal." 

"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

What do the Pope and the Giants have in common?

Both cram 30,000 fans in a stadium and end up saying JESUS CHRIST!!

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm. 

An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After
a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first 
saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a 
me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: 
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly 
and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

"No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: 
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly 
and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here 
lickety split."

To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a 
my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no 
lickety split!"

Q. Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?
A. So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!