The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When
she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans
all gathered around to hear the details. She said,
"Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine." 

"Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked. 

She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but
he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow
job would be $75, but he did not have that much either.
Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marine
said he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all I
can give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after getting
the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one
hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one." 

She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues,
"Then I put the first hand above the second hand..." 

"Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge!
Then what did you do?" 

"I loaned him $75!" 

WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! 

THIS IS SERIOUS! If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal 
Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this 
time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they 
will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the 
United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is 
used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering 
projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the 
Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular 
paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the 
money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps 
mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans 
out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO 
EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and an atheist?

Someone who knocks on your door for no reason whatsoever.
If God is dead, then what are they giving out at communion?

A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest 
"Will I really sink if you take your finger out?"

Did you hear that in New York State, the Stop And Shop grocery chain 
merged with the A & P?
Yup..now they call it the...Stop & P.