I received a letter from my bank the other day, telling me,
"This is the last time we're going to spend a quarter to
tell you that you have fifteen cents!"

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the
nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.
Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play
along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home
with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said,
"Mr.Smith I thought you told me your penis died".
"It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"

If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce, 
                                         can they still be brother and sister?

Father Goose Story No. 4

It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California.  Yep,
she has started a business telling people's fortunes.  But, she
doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells one's breath.
That, right, the sign outside reads:

        Super California Mystic
           Expert Halitosis

Tombstone epitaph

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.