This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and 
brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first 
arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in 
bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded 
condom, "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she ponted it to her 
new husband

As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and 
asked "What they don't use those things where you come 
from?" 

"Yeah," she said "but we don't skin 'em!"

A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.
Jesus stepped in front of her and said: "Let he who is without sin, cast 
the first stone."
From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and 
knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said: "You 
know mom, sometimes you really piss me off."

How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?

When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you
….up the arse with her clitoris.

A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a
good-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and
cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says
"I love liver and cheese." she says "that's not good enough." 
The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not
creative", and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."

THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, 
SOPHIA, AND HARRIET.  GERTRUDE SAID, "I THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE
A BATH."  SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE
HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB.  SHE SAID "WAS
I GOING INTO THE TUB, OR COMING OUT OF THE TUB?"  SOPHIA AND HARRIET WERE 
DOWNSTAIRS CHATTING WITH EACH OTHER, WHEN SOPHIA SAID, "YOU KNOW, 
GERTRUDE'S BEEN UP THERE FOR QUITE A WHILE, I'D BETTER GO CHECK ON HER."  
AS SHE WAS GOING UP THE STAIRS SHE STOPPED AND TURNED AROUND AND SAID, "WAS
I GOING UP THE STAIRS, OR COMING DOWN THE STAIRS?"  HARRIET WAS LEFT 
SITTING AT THE TABLE BY HERSELF.  AFTER SHE HEARD SOPHIA'S REMARK SHE SAID,
"THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT THAT BAD KNOCK ON WOOD."  "WAS THAT THE FRONT DOOR 
OR THE BACK DOOR?"