PORTLAND, OR - A man was admitted to an emergency clinic with severe
bruising and lacerations on his penis and testicles, caused in an accident
involving a hand held vacuum cleaner. The man had been vacuuming, wearing
only a bathrobe, when he tripped, having been distracted because his robe
fell open. "It always does that," he said. "I keep meaning to rig up some
kind of tie for it, but I never do. I guess I'll get around to it now." He
fell on the vacuum and the small beater bar of the device caused enough
damage to require fifteen stitches and an overnight stay at the clinic.

Between my post-USMC and my present mathematician era, I 
was a cop. A judge who later ended up on the 2d District Court 
of Appeals told me once, "The only differences between 
lawyers and protitutes are that prostitutes are generally better 
looking and more honest about how they make a living."

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. 
The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their 
contract's sick-leave provisions. 

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held 
aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he 
announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!" 

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who 
had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. 

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he 
said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been 
sick!"