Said a meaty young woman of Croft,
  Amusing herself in the loft, 
     "A salami or wurst 
Is what I should choose first--- 
With bologna you know you've been boffed." 

There was a young lady called Valerie
Who started to count every calory
Said her boss in disgust:
"If you lose half your bust
You'll be worth only half of your salary!"

There was a Young Lady, whose chin
Resembled a point of a pin;
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased the harp.
And played several tunes with her chin

Why, oh why, does this happen to me?
How did I end up stuck in this tree?
The ground down below looks so far away,
That if I would fall it would take me all day
To hit the ground, with a thud and a thunk.
And knowing my luck I'd land on a skunk.
So here I will sit 'til my dying day.
Or maybe, at least, 'til that bear goes away. 

Smoking reefer didn't cause him to fail, 
               And that Lewinsky affair is a tale. 
                    These two things they will name, 
                    When the defense makes its claim, 
               That neither Bill nor the girl did inhale.