In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or
   legs called Philip. One day after school, Johnny goes round his house
   and knocks on the door.
   
   Philip's mother answers the door, and says, "Yes Johnny, what can I do
   for you?"
   
   "Can Philip come out? - we're all skipping in the park"
   
   Philip's mum says, "But Johnny, you know he's got no arms or legs."
   
   "Yeah, I know," says little Johnny, "I just want to see his stumps
   bleed."
   

scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien
Civilization...

Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the
Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star
system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the
list and send it to 100 other Star Systems.  Within
one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive
enough hydrogen to power your civilization until
entropy reaches its maximum!  IT REALLY WORKS!

Do you know what a dog and a screen door have in common?



the more you bang them the looser they get.


Sent by aaron

Q: What's the difference between American and Serbian pilots?
A: American pilots break ground and fly into the wind!

A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest 
a few minutes.
The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began
to boast about his past. "Yes sir, I'm a fine horse. I've run in 25 races
and won over £5 million. I keep my trophies in the barn."
The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the
horse's owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.
"Oh, you don't want that horse," said the farmer.
"Yes I do," said the salesman, "and I'll give you £10,000 for the horse."
Recognising a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, "He's yours."
While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked, "By the way, why
wouldn't I want your horse?"
"Because," said the farmer, "he's a liar - he hasn't won a race in his
life."