Some beauty parlors do a great job.
One young man followed a young woman
for twenty blocks. Then he found out
it was his grandmother.

   Want some chicken?

   A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running
   along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with
   him because he was doing 50 MPH.
   He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He
   speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed
   the
   chicken had three legs.
   So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got
   out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked
   the farmer "What's up with these chickens?"
   The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three
   legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how
   they tasted.
   The farmer said "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
   

A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive ," smiled the friend. "Impossible," said the 
psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more reliable than you."

   Three guys are applying for a job with the CIA. They get all the way
   to the final test.
   
   So the first guy walks into the director's office and sits down. The
   director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. He lays it on his
   desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to test your
   loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room
   on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head."
   The guy looks at him and says, "No way." So the director says, "You
   fail."
   
   The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy
   picks up the gun and heads for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes
   later. Tells the director that he just couldn't go through with it.
   The director says, "You fail."
   
   So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room.
   The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of ruckus (glass
   breaking, furniture getting smashed). Guy comes back in all beat up
   and his clothes tore up. The director goes, "What happened to you?"
   Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in
   the gun so I had to choke the bitch to death."
   

   A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is
   working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
   
   So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and
   the bees.
   
   He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperm and eggs etc.
   
   He tells her about puberty, menstruation, men and women and love......
   
   He thinks what the hell, and tells her the works, thinking that to
   tell it all is the only way to tell truth.
   
   The girl is somewhat awe struck with this sudden influx of bizarre new
   knowledge, and her father finally asks, "So why did you wish to know
   about sex?"
   
   "Oh, mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."