A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.
He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive  
woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose.  He 
was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve 
to ask her for a dance. 

"Would you like to dance with me?"he asked.

She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!" 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible 
designers of the human body. 
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems 
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a 
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 

   A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on
   the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the
   wife went on the ride by herself.
   
   The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out
   and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
   
   "Are you hurt?" he asked.
   
   "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't
   wave once!"
   

A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen 
floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! 
I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, 
"Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits." 

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with
her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be
when they grew up.
A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."
The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they
revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped,
"What did you say?"
The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute."
"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet
Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."