Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble 
they were having in the apartment building where they lived.
The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "I'll hear the oldest first."

The case was closed for lack of evidence. 

Norreen did a "Self-Judi" when meeting a business partner of
her husband.  She was asked if she came from a large family.
"I said, no, the men are only about six feet tall and pretty thin."

 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered 
with golden fried onion rings.