I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic.
Driving to work this morning on I-95 I look over
to my left and there's this woman in a Mustang doing
65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear
view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I look away for
a couple seconds and when I look back she's halfway
over in my lane. Scared me so bad I dropped my
electric shaver in my coffee." 

My twin sister and I had been out on our first double date. I immediately 
walked in the house after the date, but my sister stayed outside to kiss 
her date goodnight. My mom was curious to see what they were doing. In 
order to see, she had to step on the toilet lid in the bathroom to see out 
the window. It was dark and she failed to close the lid so she slipped 
into the toilet. She was really embarrassed when she came into the front 
room with wet feet and had to explain why.

It's great being a new mom. The only thing I worry about is
that one day the FBI will break down my door and take the
baby back to his real mother.   But I guess it's normal
for new moms to worry.