I was recently in my local pub in Scotland, and it was pretty quiet.
There were several people sitting at the bar with me, and the bar-lady
was reading a paper.

She looked at me, puzzled, and said "John, you do crosswords, don't
you?"
"Yes," I replied, truthfully.
"I've got one here - 'Stranded, as on a desert island', 10 letters, and
the first is 'M'.  Any ideas?"
"Marooned," I said.
The other customers shouted out their orders: "A whusky," "a pint o'
heavy", etc, etc.

Delighted at this display of humour, I refused to pay for a drop.

At a book fair which I attended last week, I noticed that there were
many of my favorite books missing. I went up to the lady selling
classics and said, "What have you done with the medieval novels? Where's
Ivanhoe?"

Without missing a beat, she answered, "It's been banned from the fair!
There's too much Saxon violence!"

Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and 
volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I 
declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told 
me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour 
lives making each other sick!"