On a job board: 

    "Man, honest, will take anything." 

My wife used to have the habit of disbelieving something with 
the phrase "my ass!"  She would say "Four hundred dollars, 
my ass!" or "30 minutes late, my ass!"  One day a friend of 
mine and I were having a conversation, which she was listening 
to, and I said something like "...so it would be easy to 
penetrate.."  She chimed in... "Penetrate my ass!"  My friend 
and I laughed so long and hard we forgot what we were even 
talking about!  Needless to say, she doesn't say "my ass!" any 
more.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her 
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told 
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. 
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as 
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening 
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were 
doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were screams of laughter.