Twas the night before christmas and all through the house,

everybody was stoned, even a mouse.

The stockings were stuffed with pretzels and beer,

and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

The children were wrestling quietly in bed,

with sexy visions of masterbating in their heads.

All of sudden there came such a clatter,

I jumped off my wife's back to see what was the matter.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, 

from the sound of the crash i knew the fat motherfucker fell.

He snapped to his feet in a sudden flash,

he forgot to cover the crack of his ass.

He showed me the bird from his stubby little hands,

then he whipped out his box of sex toys and giant rubber bands.

All were thrown on the Tree at the same time,

He jumped with the fucking clock chimed.

He flew up the chimney just as fast as he came down,

I could tell he was some kind of professional clown.

He whipped dasher, dancer, and prancer, and vixon,

He kicked comit, cupid, donder and blitzen.

He shrieked loudly into the pale midnight,

Piss on all of you, and have a hell of a night!


Sent by Rob

Said an ardent young bridegroom named Trask,
"I will grant any wish that you ask,"
Said the bride, "Kiss me, dearie,
Until I grow weary,"
But he died of old age at the task. 

Errors have occurred.

We won't tell you where or why.

Lazy programmers.

               There was a young fellow of Perth 
               Whose balls were the finest on earth. 
                    They grew to such size 
                    That one won a prize, 
               And goodness knows what they were worth. 

There was a young couple named Kelly
Who were seemly connected at belly,
     Because in their haste
     They used library paste
Which they thought was vaginal jelly.