There was a young man from St. Paul's
Who read Harper's Bazaar and McCall's
Till he grew such a passion
For feminine fashion
That he knitted a snood for his balls. 

My back aches, my pussy is sore,
I simply can't fuck any more,
I'm covered with sweat,
And you haven't come yet,
And my God, it's a quarter to four!

There was a young man from Venice 
            Who played a good game of lawn tennis. 
                But the game he liked best, 
                Far more than the rest, 
            Was played with two balls and a pennis. 

There was a young fellow named Biddle
Whose girl had to teach him to fiddle.
She grabbed hold of his bow
And said, "If you want to know,
You can try parting my hair in the middle." 

There once was a man named Sweenie,
 who spilled some gin on his weenie.
 So just to be couth,
 he spilled some vermouth.
 And then slipped his girl a Martini.