A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can
see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

   A lawyer from New York was transfered to a small frontier town during
   the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that
   the town was populated solely by men.
   
   He asked one of the local cowboys, "What do you do when you get the
   urge for a woman?"
   
   The cowboy replied, "See them thar'sheep up on thet hill. We just go
   git us one."
   
   "That is disgusting and barbaric!!" replied the lawyer.
   
   After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He
   decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these
   yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the
   bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china
   plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.
   
   After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a
   drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm.
   The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys
   turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.
   
   The lawyer said, "You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I'm
   some sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm
   just doing it with more class."
   
   "That ain't the problem," replied one cowboy. "That's the sheriff's
   gal you're with."
   

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive 
called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know 
what time we quit around here ?" he asked.

"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody 
knocks on the door."

A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog onto
the the operating table, looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!"
The man looks at the vet and says "The dog can't speak".
The vet says to the man "I was talking to YOU. The dog,s dead!!!

Sent by Peter 

These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day 
Larry said to Joe, "You know man its been a long time since we had some 
sex so you oughta let me fuck you." Joe replied. "Are you crazy?!!" Larry
went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll flip a coin 
and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and 
finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong 
reservation Joe asked, "How will you tell if it hurts or not?" Larry told 
Joe, "If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop. But if it 
feels good start singing." Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed, 
Moooooooo. Moooooo. Mooooon River......