There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel
and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.
After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him
and reminded him he was a holy man.

"It's O.K.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."

So after a wild night of you-know-what the hat check girl asked
to see where in the Bible it says it's okay.

The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the
first page where someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girl
puts out!" 

   A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife
   answers.
   
   " Hi, is Tony home?"
   
   " No, he went to the store."
   
   "Well, you mind if I wait?"
   
   " No, come in."
   
   They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the
   greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I
   could just see one."
   
   Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a
   hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks
   her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
   
   They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful
   I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks
   if I could just see the both of them together."
   
   Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and
   gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred
   bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
   
   A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your
   weird friend Chris came over. "
   
   Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the
   200 bucks he owes me?"
   

   Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his
   mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and
   Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits
   there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the
   trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the
   clowns.
   
   Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the
   clowns comes up to him and says 'Little boy are you the front end of
   an ass?'
   
   'No,' replies little Johnny.
   'Are you the rear end of an ass?'
   'No,' replies little Johnny again.
   'In that case,' says the clown, 'you must be no end of an ass.'
   
   Little Johnny is distraught and he runs out of the circus and all the
   way home in tears. When his mum catches up with him she says, 'Little
   Johnny don't worry, your Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit,
   backchat and repartee, is coming to stay tomorrow. We will take him to
   the circus and he will sort that nasty clown out.' At this news little
   Johnny cheers up and looks forward to the next night.
   
   The next night comes and, sure enough, Uncle Marvo, the master of
   lightning wit, backchat and repartee arrives and the three of them set
   off for the circus. When they get there Little Johnny, his mum and
   Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, sit
   down and enjoy the lions, the tigers, the jugglers and the trapeze
   artists, and then out come the clowns.
   
   Again Little Johnny is enjoying their antics and yet again one of the
   clowns comes up to him and says, 'Little boy are you the front end of
   an ass?'
   
   Quick as a flash, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat
   and repartee jumps up and shouts at the very top of his voice:
   
   'Fuck off you Red nosed Cunt!'
   

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that 
you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying 
that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that
you've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear 
those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard 
that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only 
said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the 
house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband 
was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and 
started to masturbate.
She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband 
walked in, she was writhing in the middle of the living room floor.
He glanced through the mail and said to his wife, "Honey, when you're 
finished vacuuming the floor, could you get started on dinner?"