Why did God give men larger brains than dogs? 

     So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. 

Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. .
Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

The angry wife met her husband at the door.  His breath stunk of
alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she
barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in
at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

PCMCIA     People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN       It Still Does Nothing
APPLE      Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI       System Can't See It
DOS        Defunct Operating System
BASIC      Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM        I Blame Microsoft
DEC        Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM     Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2       Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW        World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH  Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that 
indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature 
bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing 
firemen's helmets. 

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. 
At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind 
the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, 
yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" 

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything 
about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the 
counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her 
finger at a particular passage. 

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The 
three wise men came from afar.'"