A guy was in a bar, and asked for some milk. So in turn a pregnant topless 
dancer got on the bar and squeezed the milk out of her tits. He looked at 
this and said to himself, "I would hate to see how they give out bloody 
Mary’s."

After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes
he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a
friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified.
"Why are you so afraid, you're not a grain
of wheat after all," his friend asked.
John replied, "You know it and I know it,
but the chicken doesn't know it."

Sent by Marc

The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him 
to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very 
loud voice,  "Free bus to the hotel Astor!"  On the way to the 
station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, "Free bus 
to the hotel Astor,  Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he 
memorized it letter perfect.  

Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at 
all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows.
"Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the 
Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I 
mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust 
your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked
   little Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss."
   
   "Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?"
   
   "He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and
   collapsed."
   

No lawyers allowed- Prosecutors will be violated!

 If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of
them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?