The medical student was asked four reasons why mother's
milk was better for babies than cow's milk. 
This is the answer he submitted: 
1. It's fresher. 
2. It's cleaner. 
3. The cats can't get to it. 
4. It's easier to take on a picnic. 
He also added: "It comes in such cute containers."  

A girl gets a tatoo of Santa Claus on one thigh
and a turkey on the other. She wants to show that
there is something good to eat in between
Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get 
ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, 
and says, "I'll be home in an hour." 

"Perfect," she replies.

The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him 
to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and 
waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no 
wife? 

She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I 
won't be there for about an hour and a half." 

The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I 
do?" he asks. 

The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you 
have a housekeeper around?" 

"Yes" the man replied. 

"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said 
the Doctor. 

The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra 
with the housekeeper..."

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a
blank form and wrote, "Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..
woof..woof...woof."

The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There are
only nine words here. You could send another 'woof' for the
same price."

The dog replied "What, and ruin the punchline?!"

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious
to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his
office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone
and spoke into it," I am sorry, but my workload is so tremendous
that I am not going to be able to look into your problem for at
least a month. I shall have to get back to you then." He then turned
to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for
you?" "Nothing," replied the man. "I am here to hook up your phone."