Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's 
special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. The chicken sounds good, 
I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. And the vegetable?" 
he asks. Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies. 

Why is the government like a prostitute?

                                 Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!

A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping.
His tears are streaming down his cheeks.
An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him.
"What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?"
"It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four
little kittens we had yesterday!"
"That's awful indeed !", the lady replied angrily, "Your
father is a real bastard!'
"Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that
I could do it."

   After many months of trying to make ends meet, one California couple
   decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to
   have the old lady start hooking.
   
   Early the next morning the wife comes home looking very haggard and
   worn out. The husband guiltily asks how she did, and the wife replies
   that she earned four hundred dollars and ten cents.
   
   "That`s great!" the husband replies. "But who gave you the ten cents?"
   
   "Everybody!" replied the wife.
   

A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet 
down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."

The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', 
I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."