Brian received a phone call:
  "HI, I'm phoning on behalf of the ????? Children's Workshop 
where we can help you with special offers, ....etc"
  I interrupted her and informed her that I didn't have any 
children.
  "Do you have any grandchildren???", she then asked.

Klatt was telling me about growing up in NYC, working at a 
local fruitstand.  An elderly woman came up to the stand 
asking if we had any "dates".  My friend and working partner
told her that we didn't have any "dates".  She then asked if we
had "nuts".  My friend said, "Ma'am, if we had 'nuts' then we've
have 'dates'."

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Wonder which head?)