I started a new job the other day, and while riding the elevator,
noticed a sign which read (THIS IS NOT MADE-UP):

        "If elevator should malfunction or doors not open, 
        don't be alarmed.  Please press the alarm button."

Is it just me, or does anybody else find this outrageously funny?

One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was
chosen in 1979 was 'taste in clothing'

A woman, worried about crime, started to carry a hand-gun. Five months 
after she'd begun carrying her gun she came out to her car in a dark 
parking lot and found it occupied by four men. She ordered them out. They 
refused to move; she pulled her gun. Instantly four doors popped open and 
her car's occupants fled into the night. Then, as she started to load her 
groceries into the car, she noticed her car (same make and model) parked 
three spots away.