One morning following a tiff, I put my pants on too roughly & ripped
   the seam along the fly. I glared at my wife and said "I'll wear these
   today so everyone in the Office will know what I have to put up with."
   
   She said, "No, I'll repair them. I don't want them to know what I have
   to put up with."

The editors at "Playboy" have selected Marilyn Monroe for first 
place in its "The 100 Sexiest Women of the Century" feature. 
For organizational purposes, the list is divided into "Chicks 
Who Slept WIth A Kennedy" and "Chicks Who Didn't Sleep 
With A Kennedy."

Police in New Jersey pulled over what they thought was a drunk driver and 
it turned out to be a couple engaging in oral sex. The officers issued a 
stern warning and a high five.